


More Than Just A BestFriend

by LarryIsLife_28



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Friends to Lovers, M/M, One Direction Hiatus, incomplete fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 14:04:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarryIsLife_28/pseuds/LarryIsLife_28
Summary: Zayn left the band. Liam feels dreadful and blames himself for it. He wants to apologize to Zayn, but the problem is, whole thing comes along with seeing Zayn face to face after 6 months, risking confrontation of his 5 years-hidden feelings for Zayn that he have tried his best to hide.(Or the Ziam AU where Liam finally sees Zayn for the first time since he departed from the band and his deepest hidden feelings are on the verge of being slipped from his tongue.)





	More Than Just A BestFriend

**Author's Note:**

> Long things short:
> 
> • This fic is NOT complete, yet. It'll prolly take few months to be fully updated.  
> • This chapter is all about flashbacks, with the P.O.V of both; Zayn and Liam. However, next chapters will be _mainly_ based on only Liam’s P.O.V.  
> • It started as my prep for Eng.lang exam but turned out to be quite more than that so I kindly request y’all, to NOT copy it cuz it’s my first work.  
> • The plot had not been copied in any form. It’s purely based on how I think things went pre and post 1D hiatus with some fiction, obv.  
> • Lastly, ZIAM IS REAL:))
> 
>  
> 
> It'll be an honor if you'll read it and suggest your opinions on the comment box, to make this fic better.  
> Till then, goodluck and I hope y'all enjoy it:)

**CHAPTER1: _THE FLASHBACKS_ **

It hasn't been easy for either of the five, now four, Liam reminded himself, members of One Direction since Zayn dropped the bombshell. Sure, Zayn have discussed about the band's work not being his kinda preferred work with him before, but he never would've imagined the whole thing was THIS serious. Liam started feeling bile in his stomach; again, as he still thinks it was his entire fault that Zayn left the band. Zayn was HIS bestfriend. He KNEW Zayn rarely used to share his problems with anyone, Liam being an exception, yet he paid no mind when Zayn, for the first time, opened up about it to HIM out of all. He wouldn't have been feeling so dreadful if he'd ignored it for the first time. But you see, it was never a onetime thing, it was exactly THREE times Zee discussed about it with him, each time Liam assuring him that it might be due to his long distance with his family, or touring or never getting enough sleep. Liam knew Zayn was going through too much; anxiety, panic attacks and eating disorders. He knew he should've been there for him 24/7. _He knew this._ Yet, he didn't. Hell! He'd do anything for him in the blink of an eye without a second thought! He was so gone for him. **Only if he could go back in the past and change everything.**

**Flashback1: 12th January 2015**

_**Zayn P.O.V** _

_They were all gathered in his London apartment. They've just done clearing up the place and throwing balloon pieces on the trash bins which were used during his 22nd birthday celebration. His family and some of his known "associates" left almost half an hour ago. Right now, five of them were gathered in his living room, talking about everything and nothing in their bit drunk state, except Li, of course._

_Niall was sprawled in some weird way on his sofa with his left leg dangling down, while his right foot over the table. He's holding the controller, and somehow managing to eat Pringles at the same time, all the while having his steady gaze plastered over the FIFA15 playing on the big screen. He's always been the careless and the brightest one of them all. Suddenly, for a second, he let out a loud laugh over scoring his fourth goal against Brazil and leading 4-2 with England, the next moment going back to his previous form. Weird. Zayn's stomach started churning at the thought of missing his laugh for the time unknown. Louis was sitting at the corner of the same sofa, with Harry on his lap. He somehow, between the match with Niall, forgot his controller and since haven't stopped his shameful flirting with his "lover boy”, both stuck in their own world, as usual. God! He’s gonna miss them like hell._

_Sweat started to gather over his forehead, making his palms a bit too clammy. **You can do this Zayn. You can do this!** Gathering enough courage, he had just opened up his mouth, when a sudden deep voice interrupted him from his left. "Zee? You alright there, man?" Liam worriedly asked, making his way over to him, near his bedroom door. Upon reaching close enough, Li raised his left hand before placing its back on his forehead. Zayn tried his best not too shiver at Liam's touch. You see, he was already gone, for this man, with plump lips and brown eyes with a heart of gold. Not now, but since the moment he had first laid eyes on him in the McDonalds in 2010 before the X Factor. **Too deep, more than a bestfriend is allowed to be.** Just another reason to leave, before destroying what he have already got. Liam's brows were still furrowed along with his intent gaze, before he slowly placed his hand, back on his side. "Zee, you're sweating." he stated, making him more nervous than ever. Feeling slightly panicky, he closed his eyes and took few deep breaths. **Now is the time. You can do this!** Finally, he blinked open to brown pupils, **still** , staring at him back._

_Without second guessing himself, one moment, he slipped his right hand into Liam's, and next, he was pulling him towards the others. He dropped Liam's hand and went to stand in front of his large screen. On Niall's frustrated noise, he raised his hands and clapped thrice, loud enough to gather their attention. "Guys!" he practically barked, when none of them heard his claps, except Liam. Niall paused his game and slowly sat straight. Louis and Harry finally out of their own world. Zayn motioned for Liam to sit along with them on the sofa, directly in front of him. Having all of their attention at last, Zayn let it all out._

_**"I've decided to quit the band."** _

**. . . . .**

**_Liam's P.O.V_ **

_Liam always kinda knew that their, the band's work, wasn't similar to what Zayn had preferred. He knew that Zayn had bit problem with songs being from the perspective of all five of them. He knew that even though, Zayn used to miss his family the most, out of all, and had troubles sleeping during tours in tour buses, he always went along with it cuz he also used to have fun with his mates. He knew about his anxiety and eating disorder. He knew all of it, cuz he was the one to whom Zayn always opened up to, he was the one who took care of him when he cried, and slept holding him all night. He was his **Bestfriend**._

_Though now he knows, an elastic band can stretch up to a certain limit, before it all but **snaps**._

_He's lying on his bed, in his own apartment, which is fifteen minutes drive from Zayn's. His bedtime clock reads_ **5:15** in the morning. _. Wearing his pajamas, he's far away from sleeping anytime soon. His mind, once again, drifts back to playing event occurred one hour ago. Zayn had told them about his feelings and insecurities. He told them that he's leaving the band. He still remembers the long silence that followed and the rest of the boy's reaction: Niall's quizzical look with Pringles all but forgotten, Louis' "Excuse me? What have I just heard?" and Harry's unmistakable "But today's not 29th Feb...”. When Zayn explained them everything, from the beginning, they all sat in silence, having elephant in the room. Harry's light sniffs broke the tension. Louis started patting his shoulder, till Zayn hugged him, both crying on each other's shoulder. No one tried to say anything or make Zayn change his mind. They all somehow saw it coming. Out of a sudden, Liam had remembered something. "What about the tour then?" That had lead to another set of convo, where Louis successfully managed to persuade Zayn to leave after the end of the tour; 31st October 2015._

**\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

**Flashback 2: 14th March**

_**Zayn P.O.V** _

_They’re in Bangkok. The OTRA tour had begun, last month. Zayn will never get use to the overwhelming feeling of watching their fans singing loudly, singing their songs, word to word. They scattered all around the stadium and had lit their flash lights during fan projects, looking like jumble of tiny stars from where he's stood. It’s **beautiful** , really, but scary at the same time. He has always wanted to deliver live vocals up to their expectations. Never wanting to disappoint. But this feeling, of excelling, have always caused him to have panic. _

_He’s good at controlling it, at least **most** of the time. However, tonight’s not the same._

_It happens when they’re singing Best Song Ever, which is the last track from tonight’s Tracklist. He’s been not feeling well since the beginning of the show, gaining just 3 hours of sleep from last night due to the jetleg. His part is coming, raising his nervousness. His highnote slightly cracks, in the very end, but he managed to go through it with a bit unusual twist so it’ll seem completely **normal**. He also almost got away with it. Almost. Tilting his head, he caught Liam’s questioning look, with a lift of his eyebrow, across the other side of the stage from where he’s stood. **Shit**. Before he or Liam could do anything, they were running back to the main stage, show reaching its end. _

**. . . . .**

_“What happened to you at the back?” Liam asked, once they were back to their hotel. Liam and Zayn always share the hotel room. They’ll be leaving for Hong Kong tomorrow with the rest, for their next show. Slight nudge of elbow brought back his attention to Liam. “Nothing, Li.” Zayn said with the slight roll of eyes, not daring to meet other man’s gaze. Turning his back, he made his way towards the washroom._

_Once the door is closed, he leaned against it, closing his eyes. He hates when Liam does **this** : catching Zayn in slight panic state, when others seem to be totally unaware of it. And then later confronting him, causing him to be slightly annoyed and **lie** , always. He hates to open up and be the reason behind the sadness on Li’s brown eyes. He just can’t._

_After brushing his teeth, he makes his way to the bed. Liam’s already lying on the left, with slightly upward tilt of his lips. Sleepy. Under comfortable silence, he settles down, Liam moving until his head is lying on his’s clothed chest. “Goodnight Zayn” Liam sleepily mumbles. Zayn reaches his right arm over Liam’s shoulder, holding them close. “Goodnight Li.”_

_Liam is asleep, when Zayn decides to book his flight for Bradford, his home, after his show in Hong Kong. His last show. He wanted to keep up to his promise with Louis, he really did. Realizing his panic on stage tonight, having no control over it, he knew he won't be able to do it, no matter how hard he try. He’ll be leaving the band, maybe as well his mates, **for good**. He holds on to sleepy Liam, as tight as he could, without making him uncomfortable. He’ll be living his last days with him, and the boys. He doesn’t know when he’ll meet them again, or worse, if he’ll even be **allowed** to meet them. Till then, he'll try to cherish each and every moment with them. Pushing back his thoughts, for now, he slowly drifts off to sleep._

**\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

**Flashback 3: 18th March**

_**Zayn P.O.V cont.** _

_Hong Kong. His **last** show. He still haven’t told the boys about his earlier decision, not even to Liam. He have gotten along these past four days, beating around the bush. However, **Tonight** , it’ll all come out. _

_This has got to be his most emotional show, in all of his life. He never realized how much he will miss the fans, his band, his boys, **Liam** , until now. He know that he will pursue his solo career, later, at some point in his life, but these fans, **Directioners** , will always hold a special place in his heart. Harry, Niall, Louis, his mates, **brothers** he never had, will always be an essential part of him. _

_Lastly, Liam. His bestfriend, first love, boy with puppy eyes who kept breaking down his walls slowly till he’s himself, and the only person to know him better than anyone else. He walked in to his life five years ago, with the smile as bright as the sun, and his laughter as sweet as a lullaby. Zayn knew in that exact moment: one day, he will be the death of him._

_Never in his life, would he have ever thought of crying **during** the live show, especially during his solo. Indulging so deep in his thoughts, he never realized tears had started to gather before his eyes. He attempted to wipe it away as discreetly as possible. However, it was inevitable to **not** be seen, as he had just begun his solo of Little Things. With the spotlights casted over him, and cameras situated all around, showing him in the big screens of stadium, he knew everyone saw it; fans and his mates, and it’ll be all around social media within few seconds. He knew everyone’s gaze was permanently fixed over him then during the rest show. He tried to act completely cool and unwavered by all of it, hoping his fans to buy his fake act. He knew the boys will later confront him about the whole incident, so he left it there and went along with the rest of his last show, trying his best to fully enjoy it. _

**. . . . .**

_Later, at the show’s end, all four lads confronted Zayn behind the stage, as soon as they were out of the sight from their fans. Zayn knew it wasn’t the right place, nor the moment to tell them. He urged them to gather in his hotel room once they reach there, to which they all agreed._

_Zayn had offered them a few drinks of alcohol as soon as they entered his room, making exhaustion and the need to feel relax the reason due to which they accepted. However, Zayn knew his conscious state would keep panicking and delaying his confrontation, that’s why he opt for being slightly drunk as it will help him to not pay much thought to his doings. This, however, turned out to be quite opposite of what he had thought, as he realized later. Getting drunk was a huge **mistake**. _

_Zayn was seated at the edge of his hotel room’s bed, trying to ignore unmistakable sensation of calm before the storm. He could feel the intent gaze of four pairs of eyes at the back of his head. He felt a shadow moving towards his side, and later the dipping of the bed on his left. He let out a small gasp when he felt a hand over his, stopping his movement of unconsciously picking up of tiny pieces of thread of his pillow that he’s been holding on to. Liam holds his hand and kept running his thumb soothingly over his knuckles. He looked back at Li’s eyes before casting his gaze towards the other three lads._

_“I’m leaving for Bradford tonight.” He ignored the pang on his chest when he felt the soothing touch of thumb stopping in its mid movement. Before anyone of them had gotten the chance to interrupt, he continued with deep breath, “I’m sorry. I tried to keep up with my promise. I really did. But I just can’t guys, I couldn’t. I had panic attack during the show in Bangkok. It surely wasn’t the first time happening during the show, but it was the one over which I had no control. This incident has caused to raise my fear of performing live and raised doubt over my self control, more than ever. I know you guys are always there for me and wanted the best for me, but it’s just not **enough**. Because of you guys I have come along so far and have spent these past five years. All the fun we had, brought my anxiety to the minimal, until now. I will be leaving for good and I’ll forever be grateful for meeting you guys since XFactor.” _

_With his teary eyes, he lifted up his head and gave all of them, what he had hoped for at least, a thankful smile. His tears were now openly flowing down past his cheeks. He felt a thumb replacing them, before a set of shoulders fully engulfed him from his left. He hid his face in Liam’s chest, holding him tight from his waist. Soon he felt three more pairs of arms over them and heard Harry’s loud sobs. They stayed in that position for a bit before Louis’ “Tell me I did not just cried, Jesus Christ!”_

**. . . . .**

_They had accepted his reasons, after admitting that they somehow, deep down, knew it all along, and were even shocked that he agreed to Louis’ promise at first place._

_After bidding his emotional goodbyes to the lads for the time unknown, except Liam since he’s adamant on dropping him to the airport himself, they made their way out of the hotel. The whole ride to airport was spent in silence. Once they reached there, Liam helped him take out all of his bags. He came with Zayn as far away he was allowed. Atlas, Zayn turned towards Liam to bid him goodbye till the next time._

_“Take care of yourself and promise to always keep in touch.”_

_“I promise, Li, and take care of yourself and the boys as well.”_

_Liam nods. Couldn’t hold it back any longer, he wrapped his arms around him, and one hand holding the nape of his neck while the other his left shoulder. Within the next second, he felt Liam’s arms wrapping around him from the waist, tightly, pulling them closer. They stayed together like that, heads buried on each other’s shoulder, for a moment. Zayn, ignoring the tears that have started to gather in his eyes, tried his best to memorize the feeling of this familiar body against him. Lightly sniffing the cologne from Liam’s jacket, that he, himself had gifted him on last Christmas, he pulled away, except his hand holding Li’s nape._

_“Love you Zayn and stay happy.”_

_**Just as a best friend** he thought. Nonetheless, his heart still skipped a beat or two at those two words and he slightly nodded before whispering back, “Love you too, Liam” **More than just a best friend.** They stayed like that, staring back, trying to convey with their teary gazes. Zayn was the first to break short stare contest by completely pulling back from him now, confession lying at the edge of his tongue. He turned back on his heels, and without a single glance, lifted his two bags on his both shoulders. He made his way towards the elevator, taking two steps at a time. He dare not looked back at those brown eyes, continuously glued at his back. Unlike any other time when left for Bradford, this time he could feel a deep unfamiliar ache buried within his heart. Reaching at the end of the elevator, a single tear dripped from his eye. Without looking back, he said loud enough so that Liam could hear,: _

_**“I’ll try but I’ll miss you too much, Leeyum.”** _

**\---------------------------------------------Chapter's end---------------------------------------------**

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave kudos if u liked it, or drop your opinions to make this fic better:)


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